The Hidden Dance Understanding how your attachment style leads to conflict and what you can do about it.
What do you do when there is stress in your relationship? Are you a WITHDRAWER who checks out, or retreat in work or email? Or do you take the role of PURSUER, trying to figure out, trying to interpret your partner's behavior in the absence of real conversation?Either way, you probably end up feeling bad, and bad about yourself. What you may not realize is that most people in relationship end up in one of these roles or the other. The good news is, there is a way out of this! Download our free eBook to see what you can do it about it!
About The Hidden Dance This ebook was written by Benjamin Seaman, LCSW, a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist as a way to quickly explain the universal dynamics of attachment that occur between all humans. Most people, after experiencing relationship distress, began to tell themselves negative stories about themselves and / or their partners — I've got father issues; he's always been cold and distant like his family; and on — without realizing that many of the ways we view ourselves are actually just part of a negative emotional cycle. This negative cycle can be turned around when the emotions underneath the "dance" can be identified and worked with.
Emotions vs feelings There are many gender stereotypes about men being "bad" with feelings while women are well-versed with discussing them. In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we take a slightly different view. All of us, regardless of gender have emotions - literally, impulses to take action. What is often different between men and women is that men are trained to channel emotions into action and problem-solving, while woman are trained to channel emotion into feelings, which we define as the verbal expression of emotion. It is not necessary for a man to become a trembling, sensitive mess in order to use emotion effectively. And it is not necessary for a woman to become less sensitive or "stronger" to use her emotions more constructively.
